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Many are without someone to share Valentine's Day. You may consider looking through the Personal Ads in the paper, magazines, or the internet in search of a mate. The following is a list you can use to translate the various ads to help prevent any unexpected surprises!!!!!
| 40-ish-- | -- 49 |
| Adventurer-- | -- Slept with all your friends |
| Athletic-- | -- No Boobs |
| Average looking-- | -- Has a face like a basset hound |
| Beautiful-- | -- Pathological liar |
| Contagious Smile-- | -- Does a lot of Ecstasy |
| Educated-- | -- Banged her college professor |
| Emotionally Secure-- | -- Medicated |
| Feminist-- | -- Fat and a real man hater |
| Free spirit-- | -- Junkie |
| Friendship first-- | -- Trying to live down slut reputation |
| Fun-- | -- Annoying |
| Gentle-- | -- Comatose |
| Good Listener-- | -- Borderline Autistic |
| New-Age-- | -- All body hair, all the time |
| Old-fashioned-- | -- Lights out--one way only |
| Open-minded-- | -- Desperate |
| Outgoing-- | -- Loud and Embarrassing |
| Passionate-- | -- Sloppy drunk |
| Poet-- | -- Depressive Schizophrenic |
| Professional-- | -- Certified Bitch |
| Redhead-- | -- Bad dye-job |
| Reubenesque-- | -- Grossly Fat |
| Romantic-- | -- Looks better by candle light |
| Social-- | -- Passed around like a football |
| Voluptuous-- | -- Very Fat |
| Hgt/wgt proportional-- | -- Hugely Fat |
| Wants Soul mate-- | -- Stalker |
| Widow-- | -- Drove 1st husband to shoot himself |
| Young at heart-- | -- Old bat |
| 40-ish-- | -- 52 and looking for 25-yr-old |
| Athletic-- | -- Watches a lot of NASCAR |
| Average looking-- | -- Hair grows on ears and back |
| Educated-- | -- Will patronize the heck out of you |
| Free Spirit-- | -- Banging your sister |
| Friendship first-- | -- As long as it involves nookie |
| Fun-- | -- Good with a remote and a six pack |
| Good looking-- | -- Arrogant |
| Very good looking-- | -- Dumb as a board |
| Honest-- | -- Pathological Liar |
| Huggable-- | -- Pauchy with more hair than a bear |
| Likes to cuddle-- | -- Insecure mama's boy |
| Mature-- | -- Older than your father |
| Open-minded-- | -- Wants to sleep with your roommate |
| Physically fit-- | -- Does a lot of 12-ounce curls |
| Poet-- | -- Wrote ex's phone # in a mensroom |
| Sensitive-- | -- Cries at chick flicks |
| Very sensitive-- | -- Gay |
| Spiritual-- | -- Got laid in a cemetery once |
| Stable-- | -- Stalker but no convictions |
| Thoughtful-- | -- Says 'Excuse me' when he farts |
