The following is a list of thank you notes from a gal named Agnes to her boyfriend John. This will allow everyone to see how one might react to the gifts given in the song The 12 Days of Christmas. After reading this it sort of explained to me why this particular Christmas Carol was never my favorite. The gifts progressively get wild! This is all meant in fun and I really doubt there ever was an Agnes that wrote the notes........but one may never know for sure. Warning: After reading the following you may never be able to listen to this carol again without remembering Agnes and wondering how she may be doing! Just in case this page upsets anyone Click Here To read how and why this different Christmas Carol was written.
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 25th, 2003
My Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered.......A Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a throughly delightful gift!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not have been more surprised.
With Deepest Love and Devotion
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 26th, 2003
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your sweet gift. Just imagine......2 Turtle Doves!!!!! I'm just delighted at your thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my Love,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 27th, 2003
Dear John,
OH!!! Aren't you the extravagant one!!!!! Now I really must protest...... I do not deserve such generosity. 3 French Hens, They are just darling but I must insist, you have been to kind.
Love,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 28th, 2003
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now Really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough????? You are really being to Romantic!
Affectionately,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 29th, 2003
My Dearest John,
What a Surprise!!!!!!! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings!!!!!! One for every finger. You are just impossible but I Love it. Frankly all those birds squawking was beginning to get on my nerves.
All My Love,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 30th, 2003
Dear John,
When I opened the door today, there was actually 6 Geese A'Laying on my front steps!!! So you are back to the Birds again. Hun????? These Geese are huge!!!! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can not sleep through the noise. Please Stop!!!
Cordially,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
December 31st, 2003
John,
What is with you and these Frickin Birds????? 7 Swans A Swimming. What kind of %^*@*# Joke is this?? There is bird poop all over the house and they NEVER stop with the Noise. I can not sleep at night and I am a nervous wreck. This is NOT funny so STOP with the Fricking Birds!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
January 1st, 2004
Okay Buster,
I think I prefer the Birds------What the heck am I going to do with 8 Maids A'Milking???? As if it wasn't enough with all those birds and 8 Maids A' Milking, but the Maids had to bring their Cows!!!!! Now there is Cow Patties all over my yard and I can not move in my own house!!!!
Lay Off Me Smartass,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
January 2nd, 2004
Hey You Jerk,
What are You???? Some kind of Sadist???? Now there are 9 Pipers Playing and do they ever Play!!! They have NEVER stopped chasing those Maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they are stepping all over those Screeching Birds!!! What am I going to do???? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me!!!
You Will Get Yours,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
January 3rd, 2004
You Rotten Lowlife,
Now there are 10 Ladies Dancing.....But I don't know why anyone would call them Ladies. They have been making it with those Pipers all night long!!!! Now the cows can not sleep and they have gotten diarrhea. The Commissioner of Buildings has served me papers demanding I show cause why my Home should not be condemned! I'm siccing the Police on to You!!!!!
One Who Means It!!!,
Agnes
Miss Agnes McHolstien
69 Cash Ave.
Somewhere Valley, CO
January 4th, 2004
You No Good Scum of the Earth,
What is with the 11 Lords Leaping on those Maids and Ladies????? Some of those females will never walk again!!!! Those Pipers ran through the Maids and since then have been getting weird with the Cows. All 23 of the Birds are dead, they have been trampled to Death in all the confusion!!! I hope you are satisfied you Rotten Vicious Swine!!!!!!!
Your Sworn Enemy,
Agnes
Law Offices
Badger, Benner, and Cahole
303 Knove Street
Chicago, IL
January 5th, 2004
Dear Sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 Fiddlers Fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Agnes Mcholstien. The Destruction of course was TOTAL.
All further correspondence will come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstien at the HappyDale Sanitarium, the Attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a Warrant for your Arrest.
Sincerely Yours,
Badger, Benner, and Cahole
